I woke up at 3:00 am choking and sweating and generally in a state of panic. I got out of bed and went straight to the bathroom feeling like I might vomit, repeatedly whispering to myself, “It’s just anxiety, it’s just anxiety, it’s just anxiety.“ The operative word, of course, is “just,” as if anxiety […]
Quarantine, Day 9
As of this evening, the county where I reside is under a lockdown and the New Jersey National Guard are activated and are on “high alert” with imminent orders forthcoming. Only businesses deemed “essential” like grocery stores and banks are open. In five minutes, as I write this, we begin an 8:00pm curfew. Today actually […]
Don’t Be Afraid
Walking through the streets of New York City in the rain today, I had a brief moment where I thought I wasn’t in the United States. People have started wearing face masks to protect themselves from COVID-19, the “coronavirus,” and it’s a bit of a jarring display of something that falls somewhere between preparedness and […]
Jury Duty
The halls of the courthouse are painted this drab green that makes you wonder what kind of person makes those kinds of decisions for a public building and doesn’t exactly inspire confidence in government. With few exceptions, there are no wall decorations, no picture frames, save maybe a scant poster about employee rights. If you […]
Trump Will Not Leave Office Alive
That is to say, he does not intend to ever have to step down or stop serving as President of the United States. And as outlandish a statement that may seem to those of us who still want to believe in and hope that our sacred norms and traditions remain sacred, the writing is already […]
In the Juggle Between Life & Death
I wonder if people enmeshed in palliative care become desensitized to death the way those of us who work in human rights do after we’ve seen so many awful things humans tend to do to one another. Our fights for justice, I think, are sometimes one step removed from the human face of it, because […]
Learning to Embrace Impermanence
I’ve taken lately to watching videos of my sweet puggle, Daisy Mae, as a way of coping with her death. We live in this world now where we record or take a snapshot of nearly every moment of our loved ones. In Daisy’s passing, I’m glad for it. It brings back memories I’d nearly forgotten. […]
On Grieving My Sweet Puggle, Daisy Mae
I haven’t yet found the energy or wherewithal to throw out her toys. Or doggy bed. There’s a bag of food still in the fridge and I’ve been avoiding opening the door so I don’t have to look at it. This morning as I stood at the top of the stairs, the sun was beaming […]
Ode to Daisy Mae
I always loved how, whenever a dog would meet Daisy Mae – our fifty-two pound puggle – they were always a little beside themselves. Even the little, ugly muts that bark at everything and won’t shut up somehow managed to stop in their tracks and look at her like, “What am I supposed to do […]
Reflections on Holy Week
Someone told me today this is “Holy Week,” that Easter is this Sunday, and it caught me off-guard. There was a time very recently when, not only would that have been incredibly pertinent to my life, but my work would have revolved around the whole week in some way or another. Nowadays, it couldn’t be […]
